Hello Friends,
I wanted to take a moment to talk about a serious issue, and that is dealing with depression. I know that there are many in our community that struggle with this on a daily basis, and you are not alone. For this reason I asked my friend Jamisin Lee from Lori Micheals and the girls to share her story. My hope is that by reading this you will know that you are not alone. I myself struggled with this issue for many years. Know that you are special, you are loved and there is help available if you just reach out for it.

Much Love,
Weezer

This is Jamisin’s Story


In 2006, after a life long battle and a 14 year misdiagnosis of depression and bipolar disorder accompanied by OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), my mother- Susan Manganelli-took her own life at age 50. This was a result of a self induced medication withdrawal (which caused manic episodes including severe depression, suicide ideology, and hallucinations) and a prescription drug induced psychosis. My mother completed suicide after two failed attempts by taking an overdose of Tylenol PM and drowning herself in her boyfriend’s apartment. That day, Monday, January 23, 2006, the day my mother died, I felt as though I did as well.
My friends and family saw me deteriorate emotionally and physically. With an ill perception of the mental health field, and all associated with it, I refused any kind of help. After hitting my rock bottom and what I now admit to as suffering from depression and post traumatic stress disorder due to complicated grief, I entered therapy. My own rock bottom included severe depression, insomnia, self-medicating with alcohol, and a 25 lb weight loss which resulted in a weight of 110 lbs. I was angry, sad, and to be honest, wanted to die myself. I wished it upon myself. I begged and pleaded with myself to be as “strong” as my own mother and take my own life. However, I do believe that my mother instantly became my “guardian angel” the minute she entered the gates of heaven and knew that my fate was not to be the same as hers…..and more so, she would “not let” it happen as such. I entered therapy, kicking and screaming (literally)….
In the beginning, I was seeing my therapist (who I believe to have saved my life) twice a week. It was the traditional talk therapy, however, after several months, my depression and post traumatic symptoms became so intense that I was unable to function. As a result, I added EMDR therapy to my treatment as well as agreeing to a medication treatment plan.
Here is where I will digress and say… You know all of those anti-depressant commercials where the actors in the commercials start taking the medication and have a complete turn around in life experience and their symptoms just simply “go away.” Well, it doesn’t always work like that. What the commercials fail to tell you, is that those side affects that they conveniently described very quickly at the tale end of the commercial, can actually occur…..vomiting, sleeplessness, increased depression and suicideolgy… I got them all. In my corner was the most amazing nurse practitioner that advocated and fought WITH me. With her guidance and help, I was able to push through the side affects until my own medication was stabilized.
Today, almost four years later, I still seek therapeutic assistance through counseling to process my mother’s life and death, and have completed a successful medication treatment plan; which has resulted in me getting a clear view of what my purpose is - to help those who are affected by mental illness and suicide.
I believe the only cure for grief is action and I have returned to school to receive my masters in counseling- focusing on crisis management - and dedicating my life to advocating for those affected by mental illness…(I will graduate in August of 2010, having obtained my Masters in Community Counseling).
In addition, I have partnered with Reach Out, Inc. in creating an initiative, to try to make a difference in communities across the region. The A.N.G.E.L (Awakening New Generations Enhancing Lives) Initiative with Reach Out, Inc. was created to help advocate for those who are affected by mental illness, as well as address the fears and stigma associated when people ignore or simply do not understand the truth about mental illness. In 2008 and 2009 the A.N.G.E.L. Initiative has held an annual event where proceeds have benefited the Care Plus Foundation (www.careplusfoundation.org). Each year, the night is celebrated as a cabaret style night (also in honor of my mother who was a dancer/performer— and THAT is where I GET IT from, and I am eternally grateful), and have included performances by All the Kings Men, Jackie Monahan, Gloria Bigelow, Amy Tee, Christine Martucci, and Lori Michaels. In total, the A.N.G.E.L. Initiative has raised approximately $3,000 for the Care Plus Foundation as well has participated in out reach programs for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) and has raised OVER $3,000 for the AFSP.
My mother’s pain was something she hid and fought her entire life. On the exterior, she appeared to be the fun- loving, “cool” mother of two- who loved to go out dancing, spend time with friends, shop at her favorite trendy stores, and enjoy life; while on the inside, she was plagued by helplessness, darkness, and pain. I truly believe that my mother did not “kill herself,” the disease did. The disease which had affected her brain so severely that the mental and physical anguish that she endured was too much to bare. My mother did not “commit suicide.” People commit crimes and acts of violence, my mother did not. My mother died by suicide, just as someone can tragically “die by” complications of AIDS, an automobile accident, or symptomatic diseases related to Diabetes. My mother did not “choose to die.” Her disease made that choice for her, just as an individual’s body “chooses not” to fight off cancerous cells that have spread throughout their body. So for those who believe that my mother “killed herself by committing suicide because she chose to die,” I beg to differ.
My life today is much different than it was four years ago. I still miss my mother everyday, every minute…but the pain has changed. I have accepted that the pain will NEVER go away (no matter how much I study the clinical aspects of mental illnesses, no matter how many people I try to support or advocate for, or no matter how many days go by), but it will and has changed
Thank you for reading “our” story. Please take away this: All of us may or may not be affected by mental illness, however we are all responsible for taking care of our OWN “mental health.” If you or someone you know is or are struggling, it is possible to get help, and help that works. For my mother, it was too late, but for me, I was able to survive. I have a tattoo on my left wrist. They are Chinese symbols that translate into the phrase “life is beautiful”… the tattoo is for my mother, but also a constant reminder for me as well - that life can still be beautiful, and it is. It is, because from Heaven, I truly believe my mother is helping make that happen for me….she is my guardian angel, at peace and at rest.

www.careplusfoundation.org
www.careplusfoundation.org
Care Plus Foundation