In memory of Barry Winchell
A LOVE UNCONDITIONAL
When I was asked to write this week’s blog, I felt more than honored. Maybe I spoke too soon (LOL). I have sat in front of my computer hour upon endless hour, staring at the keyboard, then the monitor, and back again. I am hoping that somehow the words will just magically appear. That magic only happens in movies.
Ahhhh the movies, where fantasy becomes reality, fiction becomes truth and true life human interest becomes horror. The horror I speak of is not conjured up by a team of writers. The horror I speak of is a result of our own devices, our own volition (not “our” as a whole per se, but “our” as in some people.) This particular horror is called hate. This week’s blog was supposed to be about support and acceptance. I strongly feel that without love, there is nothing left but darkness and hate.
In our last podcast we briefly spoke about the story of Calpernia Addams and Barry Winchell. This was a story of a very rare type of love, a love so rare that often the only creatures capable of it are our pets. Sometimes we are lucky enough to find that unconditional love in humans. Wouldn’t it be something if we where all deaf and mute when it came to seeing the differences in others. If we could all open our eyes wide enough to see the special qualities (visible and hidden) that each of us have, perhaps we could know a love that strong.
When I first heard about their story, and learned that there was a movie made about it, I had to find it and watch it. I found the movie (A Soldiers Girl), and learn from it I did. I learned innumerable trinkets of wisdom. I learned about tolerance, acceptance, and I learned that a relationship is not just based upon sex. I learned that love does and doesn’t hurt. I learned that love does not just happen behind closed doors. Unconditional love means just that a love without condition. Often this is not the love we hear about from churches, or for that matter the Hypo-Christians. I am so tired of hearing that God would only love you if you do, would, will, could _____.
Excuse me? I was always taught that Gods love is unconditional. Funny…it doesn’t appear to be. I digress.
Barry Winchell was a soldier stationed at Ft. Campbell Army Base, located just a few miles from where we (Weezer and I) live. It is also located on the Kentucky/Tennessee border, about an hour northwest of Nashville. As with most military installations, the soldiers work long hard hours and most definitely do deserve some quality R&R, which usually including bar hopping and getting laid. One particular evening, Barry was pretty much drug to a bar in Nashville that featured live entertainment including female impersonators, drag queens, and transsexuals. To this day I don’t have a clue as to why straight military boys frequent gay bars. Maybe, it’s just curiosity. Anyway, on one of the outings Barry became infatuated with a performer by the name of Calpernia Addams. Their relationship blossomed from a very shy awkward first meeting into a love so grand. This love could only be paralleled by romance novels and day dreams.
Barry was also caught in a circumstance that couldn’t be denied. He was military. Calpernia was a performer in a gay bar and Barry was in love.
On the outside Calpernia appeared female but was in fact, a pre-op transsexual. That never mattered to Barry; he was in love, in love with a person, not a male, not a female, but a person. When the harassment that he endured had reached a breaking point, it wasn’t Barry that broke….it was others in his unit, particularly his roommate and another soldier. Without going into detail, one night as Barry lay sleeping in his bed he was bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat. Barry had been called “faggot & queer”, and other derogatory names. They tried to break Barry, and when they couldn’t….they killed him. They couldn’t accept the fact that he was in love with a “freak”. Transsexuals are not freaks. Never where, and never will be. They are people with feelings, just like any straight or gay man and woman. They are men and women. To be 100% accurate with my description: they are true ladies and gentlemen that are all too often misunderstood. They face more ridicule and prejudice than any gay or straight person has ever had to endure.
Transsexuals not only deserve to be loved unconditionally (as do we all), but they also need to be appreciated more, and respected, and supported more. Why? Let me tell you why. In my opinion it is because they have more love to give than anyone. It is my opinion that they have 3 times the love to give. They have the love of their original persona, the love from their transitional persona, and the love from their completed persona.
Barry proved to Calpernia and to me that love isn’t defined by what a person has in their pants, but it is defined by what a person has in their hearts. If we could all love like they did, I think the world would be a far nicer place to live in.
We, being the LGBTQ culture could show more love and support not just for our own partners, but also for our brothers and sisters in our community. When I first started writing I thought to myself: how cool it would be if there was a group like PFLAG for transgender. Low and behold….I found some links to some groups. Here are 2 that I found to be very helpful and informative.
· http://www.critpath.org/pflag-talk/tgsfaq.html
· http://www.hrc.org/issues/1518.htm
To our many friends, and especially our transgender sisters and brothers: I tip my hat and raise my glass with pride, love, understanding, and without prejudice. Here is to you for being you.
Lots-O-Love
Be-Ula Bearcave
Southern Belle Extraordinaire
The Cooter Cafe
When I was asked to write this week’s blog, I felt more than honored. Maybe I spoke too soon (LOL). I have sat in front of my computer hour upon endless hour, staring at the keyboard, then the monitor, and back again. I am hoping that somehow the words will just magically appear. That magic only happens in movies.
Ahhhh the movies, where fantasy becomes reality, fiction becomes truth and true life human interest becomes horror. The horror I speak of is not conjured up by a team of writers. The horror I speak of is a result of our own devices, our own volition (not “our” as a whole per se, but “our” as in some people.) This particular horror is called hate. This week’s blog was supposed to be about support and acceptance. I strongly feel that without love, there is nothing left but darkness and hate.
In our last podcast we briefly spoke about the story of Calpernia Addams and Barry Winchell. This was a story of a very rare type of love, a love so rare that often the only creatures capable of it are our pets. Sometimes we are lucky enough to find that unconditional love in humans. Wouldn’t it be something if we where all deaf and mute when it came to seeing the differences in others. If we could all open our eyes wide enough to see the special qualities (visible and hidden) that each of us have, perhaps we could know a love that strong.
When I first heard about their story, and learned that there was a movie made about it, I had to find it and watch it. I found the movie (A Soldiers Girl), and learn from it I did. I learned innumerable trinkets of wisdom. I learned about tolerance, acceptance, and I learned that a relationship is not just based upon sex. I learned that love does and doesn’t hurt. I learned that love does not just happen behind closed doors. Unconditional love means just that a love without condition. Often this is not the love we hear about from churches, or for that matter the Hypo-Christians. I am so tired of hearing that God would only love you if you do, would, will, could _____.
Excuse me? I was always taught that Gods love is unconditional. Funny…it doesn’t appear to be. I digress.
Barry Winchell was a soldier stationed at Ft. Campbell Army Base, located just a few miles from where we (Weezer and I) live. It is also located on the Kentucky/Tennessee border, about an hour northwest of Nashville. As with most military installations, the soldiers work long hard hours and most definitely do deserve some quality R&R, which usually including bar hopping and getting laid. One particular evening, Barry was pretty much drug to a bar in Nashville that featured live entertainment including female impersonators, drag queens, and transsexuals. To this day I don’t have a clue as to why straight military boys frequent gay bars. Maybe, it’s just curiosity. Anyway, on one of the outings Barry became infatuated with a performer by the name of Calpernia Addams. Their relationship blossomed from a very shy awkward first meeting into a love so grand. This love could only be paralleled by romance novels and day dreams.
Barry was also caught in a circumstance that couldn’t be denied. He was military. Calpernia was a performer in a gay bar and Barry was in love.
On the outside Calpernia appeared female but was in fact, a pre-op transsexual. That never mattered to Barry; he was in love, in love with a person, not a male, not a female, but a person. When the harassment that he endured had reached a breaking point, it wasn’t Barry that broke….it was others in his unit, particularly his roommate and another soldier. Without going into detail, one night as Barry lay sleeping in his bed he was bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat. Barry had been called “faggot & queer”, and other derogatory names. They tried to break Barry, and when they couldn’t….they killed him. They couldn’t accept the fact that he was in love with a “freak”. Transsexuals are not freaks. Never where, and never will be. They are people with feelings, just like any straight or gay man and woman. They are men and women. To be 100% accurate with my description: they are true ladies and gentlemen that are all too often misunderstood. They face more ridicule and prejudice than any gay or straight person has ever had to endure.
Transsexuals not only deserve to be loved unconditionally (as do we all), but they also need to be appreciated more, and respected, and supported more. Why? Let me tell you why. In my opinion it is because they have more love to give than anyone. It is my opinion that they have 3 times the love to give. They have the love of their original persona, the love from their transitional persona, and the love from their completed persona.
Barry proved to Calpernia and to me that love isn’t defined by what a person has in their pants, but it is defined by what a person has in their hearts. If we could all love like they did, I think the world would be a far nicer place to live in.
We, being the LGBTQ culture could show more love and support not just for our own partners, but also for our brothers and sisters in our community. When I first started writing I thought to myself: how cool it would be if there was a group like PFLAG for transgender. Low and behold….I found some links to some groups. Here are 2 that I found to be very helpful and informative.
· http://www.critpath.org/pflag-talk/tgsfaq.html
· http://www.hrc.org/issues/1518.htm
To our many friends, and especially our transgender sisters and brothers: I tip my hat and raise my glass with pride, love, understanding, and without prejudice. Here is to you for being you.
Lots-O-Love
Be-Ula Bearcave
Southern Belle Extraordinaire
The Cooter Cafe
What a beautifully written piece. You do justice to both Calpernia and PFC Winchell. How sad that hate and ignorance killed him and murdered such a true love.
ReplyDeleteStraight military men going into gay clubs is not unusual. It happens more than the public is aware. Sometimes it's done with the intent of gay bashing in mind. Sometimes it's done strictly for entertainment. Sometimes it's done because many of the so-called straight men are buried deep in the closet. The policy is Don't Ask Don't Tell. It doesn't mean you can't go to a club. It just means you can't have sex and it sure means you can't talk about it.
A life was snuffed needlessly. Many people suffered because of it. We can only hope the perpetrators learned from it.