Hello Friends,
I wanted to take a moment to talk about a serious issue, and that is dealing with depression. I know that there are many in our community that struggle with this on a daily basis, and you are not alone. For this reason I asked my friend Jamisin Lee from Lori Micheals and the girls to share her story. My hope is that by reading this you will know that you are not alone. I myself struggled with this issue for many years. Know that you are special, you are loved and there is help available if you just reach out for it.

Much Love,
Weezer

This is Jamisin’s Story


In 2006, after a life long battle and a 14 year misdiagnosis of depression and bipolar disorder accompanied by OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), my mother- Susan Manganelli-took her own life at age 50. This was a result of a self induced medication withdrawal (which caused manic episodes including severe depression, suicide ideology, and hallucinations) and a prescription drug induced psychosis. My mother completed suicide after two failed attempts by taking an overdose of Tylenol PM and drowning herself in her boyfriend’s apartment. That day, Monday, January 23, 2006, the day my mother died, I felt as though I did as well.
My friends and family saw me deteriorate emotionally and physically. With an ill perception of the mental health field, and all associated with it, I refused any kind of help. After hitting my rock bottom and what I now admit to as suffering from depression and post traumatic stress disorder due to complicated grief, I entered therapy. My own rock bottom included severe depression, insomnia, self-medicating with alcohol, and a 25 lb weight loss which resulted in a weight of 110 lbs. I was angry, sad, and to be honest, wanted to die myself. I wished it upon myself. I begged and pleaded with myself to be as “strong” as my own mother and take my own life. However, I do believe that my mother instantly became my “guardian angel” the minute she entered the gates of heaven and knew that my fate was not to be the same as hers…..and more so, she would “not let” it happen as such. I entered therapy, kicking and screaming (literally)….
In the beginning, I was seeing my therapist (who I believe to have saved my life) twice a week. It was the traditional talk therapy, however, after several months, my depression and post traumatic symptoms became so intense that I was unable to function. As a result, I added EMDR therapy to my treatment as well as agreeing to a medication treatment plan.
Here is where I will digress and say… You know all of those anti-depressant commercials where the actors in the commercials start taking the medication and have a complete turn around in life experience and their symptoms just simply “go away.” Well, it doesn’t always work like that. What the commercials fail to tell you, is that those side affects that they conveniently described very quickly at the tale end of the commercial, can actually occur…..vomiting, sleeplessness, increased depression and suicideolgy… I got them all. In my corner was the most amazing nurse practitioner that advocated and fought WITH me. With her guidance and help, I was able to push through the side affects until my own medication was stabilized.
Today, almost four years later, I still seek therapeutic assistance through counseling to process my mother’s life and death, and have completed a successful medication treatment plan; which has resulted in me getting a clear view of what my purpose is - to help those who are affected by mental illness and suicide.
I believe the only cure for grief is action and I have returned to school to receive my masters in counseling- focusing on crisis management - and dedicating my life to advocating for those affected by mental illness…(I will graduate in August of 2010, having obtained my Masters in Community Counseling).
In addition, I have partnered with Reach Out, Inc. in creating an initiative, to try to make a difference in communities across the region. The A.N.G.E.L (Awakening New Generations Enhancing Lives) Initiative with Reach Out, Inc. was created to help advocate for those who are affected by mental illness, as well as address the fears and stigma associated when people ignore or simply do not understand the truth about mental illness. In 2008 and 2009 the A.N.G.E.L. Initiative has held an annual event where proceeds have benefited the Care Plus Foundation (www.careplusfoundation.org). Each year, the night is celebrated as a cabaret style night (also in honor of my mother who was a dancer/performer— and THAT is where I GET IT from, and I am eternally grateful), and have included performances by All the Kings Men, Jackie Monahan, Gloria Bigelow, Amy Tee, Christine Martucci, and Lori Michaels. In total, the A.N.G.E.L. Initiative has raised approximately $3,000 for the Care Plus Foundation as well has participated in out reach programs for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) and has raised OVER $3,000 for the AFSP.
My mother’s pain was something she hid and fought her entire life. On the exterior, she appeared to be the fun- loving, “cool” mother of two- who loved to go out dancing, spend time with friends, shop at her favorite trendy stores, and enjoy life; while on the inside, she was plagued by helplessness, darkness, and pain. I truly believe that my mother did not “kill herself,” the disease did. The disease which had affected her brain so severely that the mental and physical anguish that she endured was too much to bare. My mother did not “commit suicide.” People commit crimes and acts of violence, my mother did not. My mother died by suicide, just as someone can tragically “die by” complications of AIDS, an automobile accident, or symptomatic diseases related to Diabetes. My mother did not “choose to die.” Her disease made that choice for her, just as an individual’s body “chooses not” to fight off cancerous cells that have spread throughout their body. So for those who believe that my mother “killed herself by committing suicide because she chose to die,” I beg to differ.
My life today is much different than it was four years ago. I still miss my mother everyday, every minute…but the pain has changed. I have accepted that the pain will NEVER go away (no matter how much I study the clinical aspects of mental illnesses, no matter how many people I try to support or advocate for, or no matter how many days go by), but it will and has changed
Thank you for reading “our” story. Please take away this: All of us may or may not be affected by mental illness, however we are all responsible for taking care of our OWN “mental health.” If you or someone you know is or are struggling, it is possible to get help, and help that works. For my mother, it was too late, but for me, I was able to survive. I have a tattoo on my left wrist. They are Chinese symbols that translate into the phrase “life is beautiful”… the tattoo is for my mother, but also a constant reminder for me as well - that life can still be beautiful, and it is. It is, because from Heaven, I truly believe my mother is helping make that happen for me….she is my guardian angel, at peace and at rest.

www.careplusfoundation.org
www.careplusfoundation.org
Care Plus Foundation

Lesbian Super Powers

Lesbian Super powers

For me being a lesbian is a result of my quest for self improvement. I didn’t just become a lesbian because I found women hot and sexy. (Which I do.) I didn’t just become a lesbian because of the practical no fuss hair cut. Which I love. Nor did I become a lesbian because of the uniform. I can totally rock the look. No, I became a lesbian for the knowledge. The knowledge that every woman gets when they first kiss another woman. A less experienced lesbian might mistake that warm tingly feeling as sexual excitement but it is in fact something else entirely; it is the transference of knowledge. Before that first kiss I could hardly do a thing for myself. That first kiss is so magical. It’s as if light bulb goes off in your head…and for the first time you realize that you ARE a lesbian. But it’s bigger than that…you have instantly acquired the knowledge of skilled carpenters and mechanics. If more women where aware of this we could put Bob Villa out of business and create our own franchise: This Old House Lickity Split.

-Weezer

A LOVE UNCONDITIONAL

In memory of Barry Winchell

A LOVE UNCONDITIONAL

When I was asked to write this week’s blog, I felt more than honored. Maybe I spoke too soon (LOL). I have sat in front of my computer hour upon endless hour, staring at the keyboard, then the monitor, and back again. I am hoping that somehow the words will just magically appear. That magic only happens in movies.

Ahhhh the movies, where fantasy becomes reality, fiction becomes truth and true life human interest becomes horror. The horror I speak of is not conjured up by a team of writers. The horror I speak of is a result of our own devices, our own volition (not “our” as a whole per se, but “our” as in some people.) This particular horror is called hate. This week’s blog was supposed to be about support and acceptance. I strongly feel that without love, there is nothing left but darkness and hate.

In our last podcast we briefly spoke about the story of Calpernia Addams and Barry Winchell. This was a story of a very rare type of love, a love so rare that often the only creatures capable of it are our pets. Sometimes we are lucky enough to find that unconditional love in humans. Wouldn’t it be something if we where all deaf and mute when it came to seeing the differences in others. If we could all open our eyes wide enough to see the special qualities (visible and hidden) that each of us have, perhaps we could know a love that strong.

When I first heard about their story, and learned that there was a movie made about it, I had to find it and watch it. I found the movie (A Soldiers Girl), and learn from it I did. I learned innumerable trinkets of wisdom. I learned about tolerance, acceptance, and I learned that a relationship is not just based upon sex. I learned that love does and doesn’t hurt. I learned that love does not just happen behind closed doors. Unconditional love means just that a love without condition. Often this is not the love we hear about from churches, or for that matter the Hypo-Christians. I am so tired of hearing that God would only love you if you do, would, will, could _____.
Excuse me? I was always taught that Gods love is unconditional. Funny…it doesn’t appear to be. I digress.

Barry Winchell was a soldier stationed at Ft. Campbell Army Base, located just a few miles from where we (Weezer and I) live. It is also located on the Kentucky/Tennessee border, about an hour northwest of Nashville. As with most military installations, the soldiers work long hard hours and most definitely do deserve some quality R&R, which usually including bar hopping and getting laid. One particular evening, Barry was pretty much drug to a bar in Nashville that featured live entertainment including female impersonators, drag queens, and transsexuals. To this day I don’t have a clue as to why straight military boys frequent gay bars. Maybe, it’s just curiosity. Anyway, on one of the outings Barry became infatuated with a performer by the name of Calpernia Addams. Their relationship blossomed from a very shy awkward first meeting into a love so grand. This love could only be paralleled by romance novels and day dreams.

Barry was also caught in a circumstance that couldn’t be denied. He was military. Calpernia was a performer in a gay bar and Barry was in love.

On the outside Calpernia appeared female but was in fact, a pre-op transsexual. That never mattered to Barry; he was in love, in love with a person, not a male, not a female, but a person. When the harassment that he endured had reached a breaking point, it wasn’t Barry that broke….it was others in his unit, particularly his roommate and another soldier. Without going into detail, one night as Barry lay sleeping in his bed he was bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat. Barry had been called “faggot & queer”, and other derogatory names. They tried to break Barry, and when they couldn’t….they killed him. They couldn’t accept the fact that he was in love with a “freak”. Transsexuals are not freaks. Never where, and never will be. They are people with feelings, just like any straight or gay man and woman. They are men and women. To be 100% accurate with my description: they are true ladies and gentlemen that are all too often misunderstood. They face more ridicule and prejudice than any gay or straight person has ever had to endure.

Transsexuals not only deserve to be loved unconditionally (as do we all), but they also need to be appreciated more, and respected, and supported more. Why? Let me tell you why. In my opinion it is because they have more love to give than anyone. It is my opinion that they have 3 times the love to give. They have the love of their original persona, the love from their transitional persona, and the love from their completed persona.

Barry proved to Calpernia and to me that love isn’t defined by what a person has in their pants, but it is defined by what a person has in their hearts. If we could all love like they did, I think the world would be a far nicer place to live in.


We, being the LGBTQ culture could show more love and support not just for our own partners, but also for our brothers and sisters in our community. When I first started writing I thought to myself: how cool it would be if there was a group like PFLAG for transgender. Low and behold….I found some links to some groups. Here are 2 that I found to be very helpful and informative.
· http://www.critpath.org/pflag-talk/tgsfaq.html
· http://www.hrc.org/issues/1518.htm


To our many friends, and especially our transgender sisters and brothers: I tip my hat and raise my glass with pride, love, understanding, and without prejudice. Here is to you for being you.

Lots-O-Love
Be-Ula Bearcave
Southern Belle Extraordinaire
The Cooter Cafe

Are We a Nation of Bigots?



What is a bigot? a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

What is bigotry? 1. Stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
2. The actions, beliefs, prejudices, etc., of a bigot.

What is tolerance? 1. A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.
2. A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.
3. Interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.



Is it fair to say a person who is not tolerant is a bigot?

Bigot is a powerful word that nobody wants to be associated with. If you where to call someone on the street a bigot surely you would get a punch in the nose. My question is this: How can you be intolerant and not be a bigot?

We live in a country that supports religious freedom. This is a good thing. I support this value. We created this new world because we where tired of being told what we should believe and how we should live. We are the land of the free and the home of the brave. Countless men and women die everyday fighting for our great nation and the foundation on which it stands. Freedom from oppression is what we fight for. Our constitution says “We the people in order to form a more perfect union.” We the people: meaning every person of the United States of America. There is no fine print for exclusion.

If I don’t agree with your religious values I don’t go to your church. It’s that simple, I am not a member of your congregation. I am proud that I live in a country where I have that choice. When you come knocking on my door I politely explain that I do not share in your religious values but I support your right to have them. If America is truly this great melting pot that embraces diversity how am I as a gay woman excluded? Never once have I gone door to door trying to recruit people into the “church of gay.” Never once have I stood on your doorstep calling you an abomination or confirmed your reservation for the honeymoon sweet in hell. I am tolerant of your beliefs. I just don’t want them for myself and my family.

I believe America has a crack in its foundation and this crack is intolerance. We live in a government that is no longer willing to fight for individual freedom. It is far easier to pass that responsibility on to individual states. If an adult couldn’t make a responsible decision surely they wouldn’t pass the decision making onto the child.

Its time to step up America and prove to the world that we are not a nation of bigots and that everyone regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation is entitled to the American Dream. Remember United we stand, divided we fall. Let’s make sure that everyone in the United States of America is given equal protection under the law.



-Louise (Weezer) Kent
The Cooter Café Cast

I value your opinion good or bad. You can send your comments to: Thecootercafe@gmail.com